Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
