we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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