I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
