mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
