I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
