A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
