she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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