I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
