I hate all girls vehemently.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize