Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
