Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
