my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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