Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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