I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
