O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
