Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
