it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
