It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
