She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
