yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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