I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
