and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
