I'm pants shitting drunk right now
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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