i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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