Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
