Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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