Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
