I accidentally burped into my bong.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
