I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
40s are totally the cure
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
