yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
