I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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