Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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