i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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