I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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