even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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