i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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