Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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