Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
