I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I fill condoms, not promises.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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