Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
