So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
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