why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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