Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize