If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
