Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize