Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
