I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
