just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
