Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
