His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize