my phone needs a breathalizer
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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