We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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