i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
