Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
