yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
