Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize