She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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