I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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