the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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