last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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