I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Life is so much better after having sex.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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