you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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