He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
