Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
