i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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