carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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