so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
