He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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