my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
