chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
